True Teshuvah

Repentance is a major theme of the High Holy Days, but the season for repentance actually begins a whole month in advance. Every day of the month of Elul, Jews are reminded by the blasts of a shofar to start the process of makeing repentance, or atonement. This past week, the sixth graders and I discussed repentance--in Hebrew, teshuvah. I'd like to take a little space here to go over what we discussed and expand on it.

1) Teshuvah comes from a Hebrew root that suggests returning or repeating an action. When we think of the English word "repentence"--or the related adjective, "penitent"--we usually think of feelings. One feels bad about what he/she did wrong or becomes aware that what they did was not moral. Many people think that it is enough to feel guilty and promise not to do something again. Others think that saying one is sorry, even if the apology is empty of feeling, is sufficient. However, from a Jewish perspective, repentance must include other aspects: acceptance of responsibility, including (if relevant) behavioral consequences or payment of damages; actions to reverse the negative outcomes of one's actions (such as providing medical assistance to an injured party, replacing a lost or stolen item, or taking on extra work to make up for lost time); and efforts to choose correct actions in the future.

2) I've heard parents and educators encourage students (adult as well as kid) to "rewind" and "redo" their mistakes, and this is a great exercise to role-play teshuvah. It can be extremely difficult to own up to one's mistakes, especially ones that others might not have noticed. Practice admitting you did wrong, saying you're sorry, or accepting punishment. Talk to someone--a friend or relative who's uninvolved in the event--and talk through what you could have done differently. But don't stop there! It's also important to address your regret and willingness to reverse (as much as possible) the negative effects of your actions with the people who you may have harmed or slighted. If you know you've made an error with another person, tell them that you'd like a "re-do," since you are unhappy with how behaved previously.

3) Commit yourself to correct action in the future. An important medieval scholar, Rambam, taught, "What constitutes true teshuvah? If the sinner has the opportunity of committing once again the sinful act and it is quite possible for him to repeat it and yet he refrains from so doing because he has repented... he is a true penitent" (Hilkhot Teshuvah 2:1).

Shanah Tovah! (Happy New Year!)